Poetry gone wrong

I hereby challenge myself to a limerick writing contest. The more thoughtless the better.

ROUND ONE *ding ding*

There once was a young man named Dean,
Who planted himself a small bean,
But it grew really fierce,
Deano broke into tears,
His prize plant was the worst he had seen.

That was the warm up.

I once met a bloke with a croak,
Who walked like a frog with a stroke,
He would hippitty-hop,
Fall into cow plop.
It was obvious he just couldn't cope.

There was an young man named Willfred,
Who liked to be called 'Right Said Fred',
But his parents weren't glad,
Infact, they got mad,
Bopped poor Fred on the head, now he's dead.

So dismal.

There was a sweet wrapper named Heidi,
Who wrapped herself up in a cardi,
She was so nice and snug,
Secure like a bug,
That her foils looked sweet, soft, and shiny.

I once kept a pig named Carrot,
Who snorted somewhat like a parrot,
'Oink Oink' he would go,
Running round, never slow,
So I cooked him for lunch in the crock pot.